Welcome to the brand new sex advice column for MM Erotica. I’m M, and I’m here to give you a woman’s point of view on all your sexy questions. Today’s question comes from Stephen of Detroit, MI. He asks:
Why do women have vibrators? If we notice a woman has a vibrator, should we even try? How can we compete with something with batteries? If we can compete, how in the hell should we use it?
I’ve heard this asked (and lamented) a lot. Not to fear, guys. It should be pointed out that vibrators aren’t gender-specific. If you’ve never used one, I recommend getting a small one and trying it out in your quiet moments. Just because some are used for penetration doesn’t mean they all are; I have one that’s a lovely mold of a 7″ cock, and I almost never use it for penetration (except in those lonely moments.) It glows in the dark, too, but I don’t use it for a flashlight. The point is, you use it however it feels good.
Why do women have vibrators? Because they feel great. A vibrator provides a level of stimulation to the clitoris that’s hard to achieve. (I can do it with my own hands using my patented “rapid-fire” technique, but I’m pretty sure that’s not always the case with others.) Some argue this is cheating, but no moreso than using a mouth instead of a hand on a penis.
If you notice a woman has a vibrator, don’t get discouraged! First of all, women want men for more than just sex. I’d argue that most women want men for plenty more than that, because we’ll put up with a lot of bad sex for a lot of different things. You should only be worried about the vibrator replacing you if you can’t provide any type of consistent sweet loving AND, on top of that, you’re a total dick. Women are much more likely to be turned off by emotional rather than physical reasons. Be nice to her, and things will go a lot more smoothly.
Second, the reason we have sex at all, instead of just sitting at home with our vibrators, is because sex is a full-on body experience. It’s not just about the penis, it’s not just about the clit, and it’s not just about the orgasm (although I’ll say it helps when all three are present.) Think about it. Would you rather jerk off, or have sex? I have known a few guys that would rather jerk off, and more power to you. But if you’d rather have sex, think about why. Because there are sights and smells and slippery surfaces and moans and hair and teeth and nails. This is not something that any toy can replicate.
Third, vibrators greatly enhance the sexual experience. You should be excited that your woman did the legwork for you and now you have another pleasure tool at your disposal. If you’re self-conscious that you can’t please her the way she pleases herself, then ask her to SHOW you how she pleases yourself. Don’t get all cocky that you can do it- she’s the one connected to her body, after all- but suggest that she use it during sex, to stimulate herself while you’re driving into her. The best orgasms for me are always the ones where I’ve got a hard cock deep inside of me. They don’t even compare to the ones I get on my own.
So when you learn your lady uses a magic wand, the appropriate response should be “That’s hot” instead of “That’s scary”.
How can you compete with something with batteries? Tell her you love her. If you don’t love her, tell her she’s beautiful. Take her to dinner and go for a walk. Kiss her very sensually on the back of her neck. They haven’t invented a vibrator that can do that yet.
How the hell do you use one? This is where all sorts of grand experimentation comes in. As previously stated, I prefer to use it on my clit while I’m having sex. It can also feel good for penetration. I would use it all over the vaginal area- spread the lips apart and rub it softly around the clit, the vaginal opening, and the perineum (the area between the pink and the stink.) If you’re into it, it also feels really good inserted anally, or just used around the opening of the anus. (If you do this, for the love of God make sure you disinfect it after, and don’t use it in both areas during the same session because it could cause some nasty infections.) You can also use it on your own penis, on your shaft or balls, or sandwich it between her and you as you’re going to town. I like it in tandem with oral sex, and it feels great on nipples too.
Remember, the key to any good sexual relationship is communication. If your girl isn’t the loud type, ask her point blank to tell you when things feel good or boring. Have a playful makeout session where you explore what feels good. Some women clam up when asked to discuss their sexual responses because they simply don’t know what to say. Ask as you go along- how does this feel? And this?
As always, keep it consensual and do it with respect.
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